Intoxicating Sunshine

I've had 10 wonderful days of drinks, sand, sun, friends, and hanging with Andrew.

I sit now again at my father's bedside, being a presence, talking to his far away conscience while his room is flooded with glorious sunshine.  You know, one of those days that Dad and I would have gone outside to enjoy.  One of those days I would have had to try not to get him sunburned.

The crystal that Mom has hung in Dad's window is showering his bed in a sea of colours.  Spots of rainbows all over.  It feels primitive, the sun.  Energy, the basic unit of life.  The sun shines on the beautiful rose that mom brought.  The rose with it's deep deep velvety red colour, that sits watch over Dad, undaunted in it's task.

We naturally crave sunlight.  Those of us that live in Canada travel to warmer climes so that we can fill our souls and rejuvenate all of the sunshine that we have been deprived over our long winter.  I sit in the sun....it makes me sleepy....it is truly intoxicating.  I get tanned so I feel better, radiant.

Sunlight....it opposes darkness.

My Mom was very lucky this morning.  The sun was bright and warm, and after another sleepless night at Dad's bedside, as mom was driving home from the hospital, the intoxicating sunshine lulled her into a sleepy state and she decided that the road was no longer a suitable surface to drive on....so she went for the snowbank.  I am glad that there still WAS a snowbank.  The car came to rest very precariously on the side of the hill of snow.  All is well, Mom was not hurt, only shaken up, a lot.  She's pissed about the damage to the car, but we are all very happy that she was not injured.  I'm not sure that this family could take much more in the way of tragedy....

Intoxicating....

I feel intoxicated...and no, it's not from all of the drinking with friends this past week.  Intoxicated from this process of dying.  Not understanding it, being overwhelmed by it, never knowing what to think about it.

As I stand in the late afternoon sun shining into Dad's room, I have a thought.  Death seems to be a force...with energy....I just can't explain it.

I am happy to have had my sunshine intoxication this past week....I am glad the sun shines today.